Getting to Know More About Samurai 7
by BlakRythem
Summary: CH10: Now... What happens if you let a crazy woman interview the Samurai7 cast, who has very evil intentions? True colors may be unveiled...
1. The Idol

**Disclaimer:Azren: Samurai 7 is... MINE! ALL MINE! BWAHAHAHAHA!**

**Deathcard: Yeah... Don't worry about her... She's just nuts... I'm still gonna send her to the mental hospital... Samurai 7 is owned by Akira Kurosawa..**

**Azren: And (sadly) directed by Toshifumi Takizawa...**

**Author's Note: WAAAAAAAAAAIIII! Samurai 7's here! (I just knew) It's an honor to be here! (Waves) anyway... Please review and rate it after you read it! (negative energy) Please...**

**AN INETRVIEW WITH THE SAMURAI 7 CAST! WITH YOUR HOST: AZREN AND DEATHCARD!**

**Azren:** Konnichiwa, minna-san! I'm your host, Azren and we're going to have an interview with our favorite anime cast, Samurai 7! Let's start with the leader! Shimada Kambei!

**Azren**: Konnichiwa, Kambei-sama!

**Kambei**: I am… SAMURAI!

**Azren**: Yes, we know that! Okay! Can you tell us more about yourself?

**Kambei**: … I'm a samurai…

**Azren**: YES! We all know you're a samurai! (Oh well!) What are your favorite hobbies?

**Kambei**: …. Being a samurai…

**Azren**: a nerve forming on her forehead Yes, we ALL know you're a samurai… sigh! so, what can you say about Katsushiro and Kikuchiyo?

**Kambei**: … I can only say…. HAH! IN YOUR FACE! singing I'm a samurai and your no-ot! Nananananana! wiggling his butt, with his tongue sticking out

**Azren**: sweat drop Okaaay…. So, Kambei-sama? What are your motives?

**Kambei**: … Aku… Soku… Zan…

**Azren**: What!

**Kambei**: Sorry… I've been impersonating Saito again…

**Azren**: Right…. So what do you plan to do now that the shooting is over?

**Kambei**: Slash…. Nobuseri!

Azren: What! No violence is allowed in this set! (Yeah right! Actually, only the host can do that!)

**Kambei**: Oh look! SAITO!

**Azren**: Eh?

**Kambei**: Runs off to Saito Can I have your autograph, Saito-sama? I'm your BIGGEST fan!

Azren: wide-eyed ummm…. Can we cut now, Mr. Strangler (the director)?

Director: WHAT! NOOO! THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE!

Azren: For you to know... It's gonna be too long for a first chapter, BABY BOY!

Director: (Eyes glinting) I'll get you for that!

Author's Note: WAAAAIIIIII! FIRST CHAPTER! I've been DYING to send this! Anyway... REVIEW!


	2. Simple Contusions

**Disclaimer: Azren: Alright... I don't own Samurai 7... BUT SOMEDAY I WILL OWN KYUZO! WAHAHAHA! Ehem!**

**Author's Note: Wow! How time flies! The day that I submitted the story... The same day I submitted Chapter two... I really must be desperate... Review and rate after you read it please!**

**AN INETRVIEW WITH THE SAMURAI 7 CAST! WITH YOUR HOST: AZREN AND DEATHCARD!**

Now let's welcome our second samurai, Katayama Gorobei!

Azren: Konnichiwa, Gorobei-san!

Gorobei: Konnichiwa, Azren-san!

Azren: Alright! To start off, here's a trick question! How many rocks are there in a can? (There's none, actually!) (A/N: Wow! I don't know why, but that question just popped out of my head!)

Gorobei: Eh? Rocks? You know, I can juggle rocks!

Azren: Yes, but how many are there in a can?

Gorobei: Hey, guys! Bring in the rocks!

Azren: Eh? Farmers starting to bring in rocks the size of a basketball!

Gorobei: juggling See? Easy as pie!

But Gorobei wasn't able to control all of the rocks, and so one of the rocks broke the spotlight, another one broke a window, and another one broke the lense of the camera. The others fractured Azren, the director, and the cameraman…

Azren: AAAAHHHHHH! THE INTERIOR PART OF MY SKULL!

Director: OOOOUUCH! MY SPLEEEEEN! MY LEG!

Cameraman: IIIIIIITTTTAAAAAAIIIII! MY RETINA! THE PAIN! IT BUUUUURRRNSS!

Gorobei: Ummmmmmmmm…… Oops?

Short break…

Azren: Ouch! I think my head is internally bleeding! (not to mention cerebrally damaged!)

Deathcard: Hey! Azren!

Azren: AAAHHH! NO MORE ROCKS IN A CAN QUESTIONS!

Deathcard: Relax, Azren! I was just going to show you your bill!

Azren: Oh! Well… It wouldn't hurt if I… Looks at her bill and her eye sockets pops out WHAAAAAATTTT! $800,000,000!

Let's give her time to cool off, shall we?

Author's Note: Yes! It's VERY weird! Rest assured that it'll get weirder... Anyway... Reviews pweesh... (puppy dog eyes) You know you wanna!


	3. Traitor Paranoia

**Disclaimer: Sigh! No... And YES... I don't own Samurai 7 but someday I will (someday)**

**Author's Note: Yeah! Sorry it's short! But I passed it even if it's the day it was published! I'm so happy! **

**AN INETRVIEW WITH THE SAMURAI 7 CAST! WITH YOUR HOST: AZREN AND DEATHCARD!**

Azren: Sorry for earlier, minna! Let's continue on with our next samurai! Hayashida Heihachi!

Heihachi: Greetings to all!

Azren: Konnichiwa, Heihachi-san! How are you today? (Better than me, I can tell!)

Heihachi: Well… I'm hungry!

Azren: Huh? Hungry?

Heihachi: I want to eat rice!

Azren: …. (FUNNY! I thought I just saw him eating three barrels of rice earlier!)

Heihachi: Ei, Kikuchiyo! Don't eat up all the rice!

Kikuchiyo: #&$"! You already ate MORE than three barrels already!

Heihachi: Oh well! I can always dismantle Kikuchiyo and turn him into his beloved rice cooker!

Kikuchiyo: I heard that! Don't you dare touch my beloved!

Azren stares at Hei and Kiku fighting… Speechless…

Azren: Mr. Strangler? Can we have another short break?

Director: NO! THE SHOW MUST GO ON! AND WHO SAID YOU COULD CALL ME MR. STRANGLER!

Azren: NO ONE IN PARTICULAR! (The little voice in my head said so, Mr. Tiny!)

Director: DON'T THINK THAT I CAN'T READ MINDS!

Azren: Nerve forming… WHATEVER! I DON'T CARE ABOUT SOMEBODY WHO'S THREE FEET SHORTER THAN ME!

Director: A nerve also forming on _HIS_ head You're going to be charged double for that!

Azren: Nerves forming… EVERYWHERE! OH YEAH!

Deathcard: Whoa! Steady, Azren! Calm down before somebody will seriously get there choroids injured!

Azren: Grrrrrrrrrrrrr…….. Ehem! So, Heihachi-san, tell us! What happens every time you get PISSED?

Heihachi: Sweat drop, somewhat a little scared (I have better not provoke her…) Well… I slash them! Unlike what I'm going to do to Kikuchiyo! I'm going to feed him man-eating leeches!

Kikuchiyo: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr……..

Azren: Okay… Next question…..

Heihachi: But then…. To all traitors…. To all Ukyo lovers…. To all of those who did not share to me there oh-so delicious rice…. DEATH TO YOU ALL! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! stands on his chair

Azren: OO Heihachi-san?

Heihachi: Ehem! I'm sorry Azren-san! Can we take 5?

Azren: That's alright, Heihachi-san! You already answered the question (in a freakishly abrupt way)!

Heihachi: So…. Do you have rice?

Azren: Err… NO… But I think There are ten more barrels backstage!

Heihachi: Oooooohhhhh! Gimmeeee!

Azren: Thank you, Heihachi-san! You may now go to your rice and disrupting Kiku-chan once again!

Kikuchiyo: You're so cruel!

Heihachi: Thank you, and you're welcome, Azren-san! (Kikuchiyo… Get ready to be dismantled! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

Azren: Disturbing...

Author's Note: You know? It's an honor to be the first one here!

ANYWAY! Did you all like it? Next stop is Shichiroji! This one will be very disturbing... Reviews please!


	4. Lie Detector

**Disclaimer: Azren: Possibilities for me owning Samurai 7 is one-**

**Lawyers: (glares mercilessly at Azren and readying machine guns, gun blades, flails, pin wheels, dual katanas, execution axes, coconut shells, sho polishes and chew toys.) Don't even think about it...**

**Azren: (whimpering) --Is ONE percent... The world is cruel...**

**Rueniss: Don't worry, cuz. Sunny can always avenge you...**

**Author's Note: Heeeey! A review! Thanks! It really made me happy! CHAPTER 4!**

**AN INETRVIEW WITH THE SAMURAI 7 CAST! WITH YOUR HOST: AZREN AND DEATHCARD!**

Azren: Now! Let's welcome our fourth samurai! Our very own Momotaro, Shichiroji!

Shichiroji: (My name isn't Momotaro!) Hello there, minna!

Azren: Hello there, Momo-san! Can you tell us, what you hate the most?

Shichiroji: Well… I detest being called Momotaro… For various reasons…

Azren: (

Crickets chirping….

Azren: But you let Kiku-chan call you Momotaro! As well as Yukino-chan!

Shichiroji: WHAT! Kikuchiyo still calls me that! CURSE YOU KIKUCHIYO!

Kikuchiyo: WHAT?

Azren: Right… Let's skip that question! So! How's your love life? Any plans on getting hitched with Yukino-chan? (A/N: To me, they aren't married yet!)

Shichiroji: Uuuummmm….. No comment?

Azren: Oh well! I guess I can ask Yukino-chan herself!

Yukino: Anata!

Shishiroji: Yikes! Yukino!

Yukino: Hello there, Azren-san!

Azren: Well hello Yukino-chan! You look boisterous today!

Yukino: Yes… I am! turns to shichiroji Anata! Where are my presents!

Shichiroji: (Bows) I'm Sorry! And again, I have not bought you anything!

Yukino: What! No presents! (Silence)… Maybe you have another WOMAN!

Shichiroji: NO! You're the only one for me! Honestly! You can check my Lie Detector to see if I am being insincere! puts on lie detector

Yukino: Wow! Where did you get that lie detector?

Shichiroji: Uuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh……. Internet?

Lie Detector: WEEEEOOOOOOOOWEEEEOOOOOOWEEEOOOO! LIAR! EXPERT IN LYING! LIAR!

Yukino: nerves! SO IT'S TRUE THEN!

Shichiroji: No! It's not-

Yukino: Grabs Shichiroji on the collar WHY YOU UNFAITHFUL LITTLE #$&$#& ! (These PARTICULAR words are being censored….) Shaking, choking, decapitating Shichiroji, MERCILESSLY

Yukino: I'm sorry, Azren-san! I have to dismember Anata first, okay?

Azren: Of course! I don't mind! Take your time! I can wait!

Deathcard: Actually… Shichiroji can't continue with the interview, due to serious injuries … and contusions…

Azren: Oh well! I hope you'll get better, Momo-san!


	5. Victimized

Disclaimer:

Azren: Sigh! Right! I'll pay anyone who'd like to say the disclaimer right now!

Deathcard: Ooooooohh…. REALLY? How much?

Azren: 25…

Deathcard: SWEET! Azren doesn't own Samurai 7 but she wish she does… And she wishes to own Kyuzo!

Azren: Thanks! (Gives Deathcard the 25…)

Deathcard: HEY! WHAT'S THIS? 25 cents!

Azren: I didn't say cash, now did I?

Deathcard: Grrr…

Author's Note: Hello minna! If you're a reviewer…. And you like humor even if it's the point where your favorite samurai is being tackled and beaten up… Then you may proceed… But if otherwise… The back button is just above… Seriously…. From this point on… Some samurais will be beaten up by characters from other animes, UFO's will abduct them, and chew toys will definitely reign… I caution all the Katsushiro lovers… If you take all of these cartoon violence seriously… Then DON'T and I repeat DON'T read this chapter! Besides, he lived to tell the tale! THINK WHAT I'M DOING TO KYUZO!

Azren: Let's welcome our next victim… Eerr… I mean samurai! Our next SAMURAI…. Okamoto Katsushiro….

Katsushiro: blushing Errr… Hi….

Azren: Good day to you, Katsu! (Self-control, Azren! Must… decapitate… Spongebob… after… interview!) How are you? eyes glinting EVILY

Katsushiro: Eeermm… Fine… feels a little uncomfortable

Azren: Good to hear that! If you have any problems, just feel free to let them out here, so that I can add more problems! (Physically!)

Katsushiro: Pardon? I didn't get what you just said… Did you just said that you'll… A little scared

Azren: I said that I will add the pain… I MEAN _LESSEN _your pain here!

Katsushiro: trembling

Azren: Okay! So how's Kilara?

Katsushiro: Steam coming out of his… Nose… (Since I's already Kikuchiyo's trade mark of steam coming out of his ears…)

She's fine…

Azren: You left her in the end… In a serious voice…

Katsu: I needed to… Well I…

Azren: Oh, I was kidding you, Katsu! Okay time to get serious!

Katsu: sigh

Azren: hair covering her eyes and negative energy filled the room that you can feel a gigantic comet hit Katsu anytime now… You… Killed… Kyuzo…. (His doppelganger to be specific)

Katsu: WHAT? NO! I DIDN'T MEAN TO! I DIDN'T SEE… Sweating a lot

Azren: I was also kidding! Ha! Ha! Ha! No really! Let's get started before I talk about threats, death, and mass executions!

Katsu: Feels uneasier than ever

Azren: So Katsu? Can you tell us what was you life before you met Kilara and Kanbei?

Katsu: Well… I was born in blahblahblahblahblahblah! But I grew up in Yaddayaddayaddayadda, and so when I became a _spatula, _I decided to gibberishgibberishgibberish…

Azren: (Yawn! Boy! I wish he'd stop talking now! And did I just hear him call himself a spatula? Well, he does look like one!)

Katsu: Hollywannacrackerhollywannacracker…and… TOOTHBRUSH!

Azren: What? What was that?

Katsu: I met Kilara, Komachi and Rikichi!

Azren: Oh… I thought you said toothbrush!

Katsu: Huh?

Azren: Nevermind! So… What are you planning after this interview? (How boring can one get?)

Katsu: Well, I was planning to go…

Voice: You! It's HIM! HE TOOK LIRIN-SAMA!

Katsu: Eh?

Director: Hey! Isn't that…

Azren: Yaone! Dokugaku! What a surprise!

Yaone: points accusingly at Katsu YOU TOOK LADY LIRIN!

Katsu: What? Who's Lirin?

Dokugakuji: Enough, you ruffian! DIE!

Katsu gets beaten up by Yaone and Dokugaku…

Katsu: … Ouch…

Azren: KATSU! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD! … I mean… I'm glad that you're still alive!

Yaone: Thanks, Azren-san! If you didn't tell us that a green-haired and green-eyed guy took Lirin away, we could never have beaten up this freak…

Dokugakuji: Yeah… Even if it wasn't him… It was fun! I don't know why, but it was fun!

Azren: Oh you're welcome! (But I meant the guy named Zakuro… Does he even have green hair? The one that lived under a rock?)

Yaone and Dokugaku: BYE, AZREN-SAN!

Azren: Bye! Turns to Katsu You okay boy?

Katsu: Yeah…Please… Con-

Suddnely, a gigantic boulder crushed him…

Voice: Oneeeee-chan!

Director: Errmmm…. Isn't that….

Azren: Lirin?

Lirin: AI! I'm looking for my Oni-chan! Have you seen him anywhere?

Azren: Koigaiji's not here…. You're crushing a samurai right now….

Lirin: Okay! I'll just leave the boulder here! I've got to find my Oni-chan now! Ja ne!

Azren: Ouch… Lawyers will not sue me…. CALL THE MEDICS IN! AND THE CUNSTRUCTION WORKERS!

Girl: Hello Azren!

Azren: Hey! It's Rueniss! You're late!

Rueniss: Yeah… I KNOW! So who're you interviewing right now?

Azren: Katsu… (poor, poor Katsu…)

Rueniss: Okay! I think I saw Kyuzo around here…

Azren: SERIOUSLY?

Rueniss: Yeah! (heart shaped eyes) He looks HOT! RED! BLACK! YELLOW! GRAY! AWWWW! I'm wearing that color at the prom! (Fantasizing)

Anyway, I'll talk to Kyuzo!

Azren: Okay! Well, minna! Due to some TECHNICAL DAMAGES… (not only technical but SKELETAL and CEREBRAL damages as well) We will just have a short break!

Katsu: MY FANS! I'm ALIVE!

Azren: Very nice, Katsu. Lie down before 'ya hurt yourself…

Author's Note: WELL? WELL? HATE IT? LOVE IT? I KNOW! It was cruel and brutal… But I feel sad for Kyuzo's unfortunate stuntman! C'mon! Lighten up! See! I'm a nice person! He lived! In my notebook… It's a sad world… But he still lived…How can Samurai 7 be complete without the indispensable Katsu anyway? It's only a fanfic! It's not like I'm killing anyone! (actually… I'm just trying) Next up… Kyuzo! WAAAHH! KYUZO! This one will be very disturbing… From now on you'll have nightmares about ducks! WAHAHAHAHAHA! (I'm a bad liar, aren't I?) Gomen for the Katsu fans….

Oh yeah! Before I forget, Rueniss is the second host! Be nice to her okay! R&R!

Deathcard: Lol this is what happens if you let a crazy, sadistic teenager interview the Sam7 cast… Sheer torture occurs… Look what she did to Spongebob!


	6. Chew Toy

Disclaimer: Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo……..

I don't own Samurai 7……. But the possibilities of it may reach the maximum point…

ALL HAIL KYUZO! THIS FANFICTION IS MIIIIIIIINNEE!

Author's Note: Wahahahahahah! …. Wahahahahaha! I'm back! After the periodicals…. Finally… Eternal bliss…. Anyway! CHAPTER 6! KYUZO! WAAAAIIII! The sequence of the interview is based on when Kambei has announced them being IN in the group… Meaning, no.6 is Kyuzo… Plus… (Sigh!) THE SUSPENSE IS HARD TO BEAR!

This one's gonna be quite… Weird… I twisted it a little from the original. Surprise characters are gonna be showing up!

Thanks for the reviews! It really turned my world upside down!

ALL HAIL KYUZO AND THE UNFORTUNATE STUNTMAN! START CHAPTER 6! Review after reading!

An Interview with The Samurai 7 cast

With your Hosts: Azren, Rueniss and Deathcard

Azren: "Hello MINNA! We're back with the interview! Sorry for the delay… Katsu was just sent to the Asylum (In an asylum?)… Oops… I mean to the hospital for his injuries… (Why would I bring him to the hospital anyway?) Neways… We're gonna be interviewing… Kyu- Kyu- Kyu- (Gaack! Frog in my throat!) Kyu-…"

Rueniss: "WAAAAAAHHHH! KYUZO! WAHAHAHAHA!"

Deathcard: (heart shaped eyes) "Kyuzo…."

Azren: (BIGGER heart shaped eyes)" We're gonna be interviewing…. KYUZO! Come on in Kyuzo!"

Kyuzo comes in… (A/N: I wonder if anybody will notice the heart-shaped eyes? Heck! Who cares?) and takes a sit in front of Azren.

Azren: Drools…

Rue: Drools…

Deathcard: "Ummm…. Too much drooling?"

Rue: (I can't take it anymore! Somebody pinch me! I must be dreaming!)

Azren: "Rue, why don't you ask KYUZO the first question?"

Rue: completely numb… because of the fact that Kyuzo was in front of her… (A/N: I would too…) "F- First… First… First…"

Kyuzo: "**…"**

Azren: "Ummm… Cuz?"

Rue: "Firt- First- Que- Que-"

Azren: "Ummm… I see that Rue is unable to express herself right now… Maybe a break for her… just to cool off…"

Some mini Kyuzos take her to lie down…

Deathcard: Still drooling…

Azren: "I can see that Deatthcard is also not feeling well…

Deathcard: (I might have a heart attack…)

Azren: "Call the medics… I think she's starting to have hallucinations…"

Deathcard: "Wahaha!Wahaha!Wahaha! The Loch ness monster married the Count of Monte Cristo!"

Kyuzo: "….. "(?)

Medics come in and carry Deathcard to the nearest hospital.

Azren: "So…. Hi Kyuzo…."

Kyuzo: "… … Hello… …"

Azren: (AAAAHHH! HE SAID HELLO! X D) "Hello, Kyuzo!"

Kyuzo: "…… Hi… …"

Azren: (AAAAHH! HE SAID HI! That's enough…) "So… How are you feeling today?"

Kyuzo: "So, so…"

Azren: "I see…" sweat drop "So what are your comments about Katsu killing your stuntman?"

Kyuzo: "No comment…"

Azren: "None? You're not holding a grudge or something?"

Kyuzo: "I'm a samurai…. I don't hold grudges… I just pick fights…"

Azren: (Yes… You are a samurai… spacing out) Ehem!Ehem! "So Kyuzo… Being in Kambei's group, if you scaled 1-10, what would it be?"

Kyuzo: "8…"

Azren: "Why so?"

Kyuzo: "Too many freshly picked flowers(A/N: Kambei's artificial hair)… And spatulas…(A/N: You'll get it if you've read the previous chapter.)"

Azren: "Ummm… Okay… So how long were you working for Maro?"

Kyuzo: "2….3… years…"

Azren: "2…3…years? How old were you then?" heart beating like in will never beat again…

Kyuzo: "I was…."

Azren: "Yes?" An eager beaver…

Kyuzo: "… I was still young…."

Azren: "You were young? What about now? How old are you now?"

Kyuzo: "… I'm…"

Azren: "You're…?"Curious as a cat… Azren is…

Kyuzo: "I'm… still young…"

Azren: "What? Young? I mean… How young?"

Kyuzo: "Still young… more or less young… younger than Kambei, Gorobei, and Shichiroji, but older than Katsushiro…"

Azren: "Okay… you're… young…. (A/N: and always will be young!) Next question, so…" Wide eyed (Who the hell writes the script?) How many little pigs did Little Red Riding Hood marry?"

Kyuzo: "….." Blink. Blink…

Azren: "Never mind that one!" (I'm gonna kill the scriptwriter!)

Kyuzo: "…"

Azren: "Well… Can you tell us… Why you're silent all the time?" (Not that I'm complaining!)

Kyuzo: "…. The evil chew toy…"

Azren: "Eh?" (A/N: Umm… Chew toy?)

Kyuzo: "… The evil chew toy that was shaped like a duck… EVIL was in its every essence…! OH NO! THE MEMORIES! OH THE HORROR!" Falls off his chair…

Azren: "Kyuzo? Are you alright? " Helps Kyuzo get up.. (A/N: Hey hey hey! This chapter is progressing!)

Kiku enters.

Kikuchiyo: "Hey! What happened?" helps Kyuzo…

Kyuzo: slowly turns to Kiku (A/N: you probably get what I mean…) "EVIL CHEW TOY! THE HORROR!" Unsheathes his dual katanas. "Die EVIL!

Kiku: "Eh? Oh no! Kyutaro! It's me! Kikuchiyo! Not some FREAKIN' chew toy!"

Azren: "Wait, Kyuzo! He isn't an evil… Chew toy!"

Suddenly, water was dumped on them. It was Mr. Strangler the director.."

Director: "WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? (A/N: Umm.. He doesn't know? And he's the one directing?) Alright! Go back from where we left it!"

Azren: soaking (Of all the things he could dum on us…) Kyuzo? Kiku?

Kiku: Slight headache. "Waoh… I gotta find Masamune-san before I get disrupted…" Goes out from the set.

Azren: turns to Kyuzo. "Umm.. Kyuzo? Kyuzo-sama?"

Kyuzo: confused. Returns his dual katanas in its sheathe. "Where am I?"

Azren: "Ummm… You're being interviewed..

Kyuzo: "Oh yeah…" Sits back down.

Azren: (OKaaaaay… That was a side of him that I didn't wanna see…) "So… What did you do to… IT?"

Kyuzo: "…I slashed it…. And burned it…"

Azren: Okay… You okay now?

Kyuzo: "… Who knows… I only knows…"

Azren: Slight heart-shaped eyes. (Sigh… the mysterious type…)

Kyuzo: "…. … …"

Azren: (Sigh…) "So, what're your messages for your fans?"

Kyuzo: "….. I just want to live my own life…"

Azren: (AHHHH! THOSE WORDS! They're still in my heart…) "What are you planning after the interview?"

Kyuzo: … Nothing special… Remorsing… Being myself… Finding a way to attack Kambei… Torturing Ukyo with angry mobs…"

Azren: Well good luck on that! (Waah! Call me!) Thanks for your time, Kyuzo! It really meant a lot! (IT REALLY DID!)

Kyuzo: "… You're welcome…"

Azren: (Sigh….. It is so irresistible… WAAAHH! HE SAID 'You're Welcome! ….) "….."

Director: "OI! Azren!" to the cameraman "What's worng with her?"

Cameraman: "Hmmm… It's seems that Azren is totally spaced out… in shock because she has just interviewed Kyuzo…."

Director: "Right… Well… Kyuzo will just be over there..." Points at Kyuzo.

Kyuzo: "…."

Cameraman: "I'm gonna call the paramedics before she could have a heart attack…"

Director: "Do that.. We're sorry minna! But the interview will be delayed because our four beautiful, young hosts are… Shall we say… Having delusions? (I hate delays!) We'll be back! Azren?"

Azren: "Ja….. JA NE! See you soon! I'll be at the hospital!" Medics come in…

Author's Note: DONE! They brought me to the hospital… Oh well! I just noticed… This is the longest chapter yet! Interesting… I hope you liked the interview with KYUZO! I know that I LOVE it… sigh Kyuzo… Anyway… Our favorite robot samurai is up next! R&R please! PLEASE!


	7. Just an Intermission!

**Disclaimer: I don't own Samurai 7! But I wish upon a well... and that wish is to obtain... WORLD CONQUEST! WAHAHAHAHA!**

**Author's Note: Hello minna! Sorry it took me so long to update. I had other stories that needed my attention. This one isn't an interview but an intermission to keep you guys on hold for a while.**

**Some of them don't belong to me, so I give credit to them! But the others our mine!**

**Azren: Hello minna! I'm sorry, but Kikuchiyo is still being repaired because of certain damages!**

**Anyway, we will just have an intermission! As you all don't know, we hid 35 unnoticeable cameras in the Samurai 7 castsdressing rooms! It's true! And this is what was heard...**

**Things the Samurai 7 cast would never (Ehem!) would say: **

"I'm gay…"

Kanbei

"I smell like something…"

--Katsushiro

"I don't want rice anymore. I'm a Toys R Us kid!"

--Heihachi

"Yoddlehihoooo!"

--Gorobei

"Heeeeey! That's one HOT CHICK!" points at a rice cooker.

- Kikuchiyo

"I think people are scared of me because I'm so beautiful blushes"

-Kanbei

"I never really wanted to be a samurai, I've always dreamt to be….

A fashion diva!"

-Katsushiro

"Yukino-chan! I want my Winnie Pooh Ba Ba!"

-Shichiroji

"Gather 'round my children. 'Tis story time…"

- Kyuzo

"Kilara-chan, I want you to teach me how to cook, do the laundry, sew, clean the house, wash the dishes…"

Kikuchiyo

"Fox ears Ohohohohohohoho!"

- Kilara

Komachi: So… You come here often? grins

Kikuchiyo?

"I ate beans for lunch!"

- Heihachi

"Never underestimate the power of gas…"

- Katsushiro

"I shall name him Squishy, and he shall be mine. For he shall be my Squishy!"

– Kyuzo

"I've decided to renounce my title as Water Maiden and start selling illegal drugs and start up a pirate radio station!"

- Kirara

"Ona noche, Ona noche!"

- Shichiroji

"Say it. Don't spray it."

- Gorobei

Komachi: Your ass is mine!

Kilara: Komachi, where did you learn that word?

Komachi: points at Kikuchiyo

Rikichi: looks at his reflection Lookin' good, handsome!

Katsushiro: Kilara-dono, I don't really like you. I really am in love with points randomly at a person. that girl over there.

"I've decided to loose the kinky hair and decorate it with freshly picked flowers." – Kanbei

Kyuzo: I have a dream…

Kikuchiyo: You do?

Kyuzo: For the people, to the people, and by the people…

Kikuchiyo: What?

Kyuzo: Friends, Romans, countrymen! Lend me your ears!

Kikuchiyo: Okay, now you're just being weird.

Kyuzo: They tell us sir, that we are weak!

Kikuchiyo: They did! Did they?

Kyuzo: No…

Kikuchiyo: Then WHAT!  
Kyuzo: It's getting hot in here…

Kikuchiyo: No, actually it's freezing. It's already winter. Its -50 degrees Celsius for crying out loud!

Kyuzo: Silent night…

Kikuchiyo: Huh?

Kyuzo: Holy night…

Kikuchiyo: I don't think tonight IS holy.

Kyuzo: All is calm…

Kikuchiyo: Actually, a snowstorm is coming up pretty soon!

Kyuzo: Mary had a little lamb…

Kikuchiyo: WHAT? Who's Mary?

Kyuzo: You…

Kikuchiyo: WHAT! MY NAME ISN'T MARY!

Kyuzo: Neither is mine…

Kikuchiyo: And if you're asking, it isn't Humpty Dumpty either!

Kyuzo: You're sitting on a wall…

Kikuchiyo: So…?

Kyuzo: You're going to have a great fall…

Kikuchiyo: I don't think that's going to…. WHOA! Kikuchiyo falls off and lands on the icy rock ground. His arms are dismantled. Ouch…

Kyuzo: All the fast turtles and all The Elders men…

Kikuchiyo: What the hell? All the farmers and fast turtles now surrounding him. …sweat drop

Kyuzo: …All the fast turtles and all The Elders men… Couldn't put Kikuchiyo together again.

"I've decided to give up being Amanushi and become an exotic dancer in some god forsaken bar!" - Ukyo

"Who said that I wanted to be the next Water Maiden? I've always wanted to be part of the fake-Sanzo's group!"

- Komachi

"I've decided to change my name to Eminosuke Hoho, and marry one of those CUTE Nobuseri! wink! Wink! - Heihachi

"… And that's how my battle with anorexia started." - Gorobei

Katsushiro: Kilara-dono! Be it me or any other man!

Kilara: … Alright then!  KANBEI-SAMA! RUNS OFF TO FIND KANBEI

Katsushiro: ; I didn't mean it like THAT!

"I'm a Goopy Goober yeah! You're a Goopy Goober YEAH! We're all Goopy Goobers YEAH! GOOPY! GOOPY! GOOPY! GOOBER! GOOBER! GOOBER! YEAH!

- Shichiroji

Kanbei: Singing Oh my pretty, pretty boy I love you

Like I never ever loved no one before you

Pretty, pretty boy of mine

Just tell me you loved me too!

- Kanbei

Kirara: Katsushiro, if you need to go, then go!

Katsu: Huh? But I'm not going anywhere…

Kirara: I said you can go!

Katsushiro: Then where am I?

Kirara: Gone…

Katsushiro: No really! Where am I?

Kirara: Okay… In outerspace…

Katsushiro: What?  
Kirara: It's gone…

Katsushiro: What's gone?

Kirara: IT is…

Katsushiro: So… What's it?

Kirara: The Katamari Damachi…

Katsushiro: What? What happened to it?

Kirara: Sunny ate it…

Katsushiro: What! That baby from A Series of Unfortunate Events did? Why?

Kirara: She was hungry…

Katsushiro: But… Of all things… Why the Katamari Damachi?

Kirara: She had a tooth ache…

Katsushiro: But… Why the Katamari Damachi?

Kirara: Because of Mary…

Katsu: WHAT! Who's Mary?

Kirara: She had a lamb…

Katsu: She HAD a lamb? What did she do to it?

Kirara: She ate it…

Katsu: WHAT! MARY'S SO BRUTAL! WHY DID SHE EAT THE LAMB?

Kirara: She was hungry…

Katsu: But…. Why the lamb?

Kirara: Because of Santa Clause…

Katsu: Hey! Why taunt Santa?

Kirara: Because Santa stole her lollipop…

Katsu: What? Why did he do that?

Kirara: He was mad…

Katsu: Mad? Why was he mad?

Kirara: Because he turned into a mime…

Katsu: WHAT? Why did Santa turn into a mime?

Kirara: Because it rained in the North Pole…

Katsu: So… What's the connection of rain and turning into a mime?

Kirara: It rained… Cans of Lima Beans… And Hamlet…

Katsu: WHAt the…

Kirara: Cans of Lima Beans… They were oh-so delicious…

Katsushiro: So…?

Kirara: Hamlet kept nagging about keeping a shoe for means of shelter….

Katsushiro: What? Why the shoe?

Kirara: He wasn't sure if he would make the shoe or a rock for means of shelter…

Katsushiro: Ouch… What happened?

Kirara: Komachi killed him…

Katsu: Komachi did what?

Kirara: She killed him…

Katsu: Why?

Kirara: Someday I'll be here…

Katsu: But… You're already here…

Kirara: With you…

Katsu: (Blushes) That's sweet…

Kirara: And we can…

Katsu: (Breathless) We can… What?

Kirara: See the stars fall…

Katsu: That is so overly sentimental of you!

Kirara: … And see them hit Madagascar…

Katsu: Hey! That's mean!

Kirara: No it isn't…

Katsu: YES it is…

Kirara: Are you doubting me?

Katsu: No…

Kirara: Are you sure…

Katsu: No… I mean YES!

Kirara: Yoddle…

Katsu: Ummm… Kirara-dono?

Kirara: Yoddlehi..

Katsu: Kirara?

Kirara: Yoddlehiyoddlehiyoddlehihoooooooo!

Katsu:That's it! I'm getting your grandmother.

Kirara: I saw Spongebob in Yes... you've heard correctly... That is what the camera said and the camera doesn't lie!

Rueniss: Actually, it can lie if you edit all the nice things the Samurai 7 cast had to say!

Deathcar: But sadly, some of what they said was R18.

Azren: Well minna, we'll be sure to bring out Kiku-chan next episode! Ja!

Author's Note: Yeah... Well... like I said, I'll bring out Kiku-chan next chappie! Ja!

It isn't nice to just read something and not review it!

Just tell me what you don't like and maybe we can work somethin' out!

REVIEWS!


	8. The Robust ONe!

Disclaimer: No, I do own Samurai 7, no, I do own the characters, and YES I am a big fat liar 'coz Akira Kurosawa own's it and I don't!

Author's Note: I'm back! How many years has it been since the last meteor hit the garden?

Don't mind me! I'm just getting over something! Anyway, I have a few messages for my reviewers… (this includes Chapter 1-6)

TheDay You Said Goodnight: Thank you foe the review!

Lija-chan: WOW! You're here to? What a coincidence! Not really huh? ALL HAIL KYUZO!

Rueniss: Oooooh… Miniature Sadako… Of course you've read this before…. But what's this... oooohhh… Something is new… And… I have already included you here… See 'ya next week, cuz! Hey… update!

Fauna-chan: Hey! Thanks for being the no. 1 reviewer yet! I hope you'll like this one! I'll try to be a good widdle author and update soon…

* * *

Anyway, chapter 7! Don't fret! After this, there are 4 more victims… I mean… GUESTS…. Now! Onto the Robust One!

Azren: Welcome back, minna! Sorry for the delays! Our next guest…

Kikuchiyo: Waaahh! Introduce me! Introduce me!

Azren: … is the indispensable, Kikuchiyo!

Kikuchiyo: "NE! HELLO, MINNA! I AM THE GREAT KIKUCHIYO!

Azren: Greetings Kikuchiyo!

Kikuchiyo: Greetings, Earthling.

Azren: Yes… so how's your love life?

Kikuchiyo: Can't complain… Wait a minute! I don't have a love life!

Azren: What about Komachi?

Kikuchiyo: Little Komachi? She's too TINY!

Azren: Mmmm…? Aren't you only 13?

Kikuchiyo: Uuuuhhh… Pass?

Rueniss: What about Hippocrates?

Kikuchiyo: Hippo—What? Who is that?

Rueniss: I won't tell you unless you pronounce his name correctly!

Kikuchiyo: Hippothalamus? Hippopotamus? Hipp… HIP HOP? Hippocrate? (hypocrite)

Rueniss: Close enough! Now… don't you love Hippocrates?

Kikuchiyo: I don't even know who he is!

Rueniss: He's that little guy..

Kikuchiyo: Little guy?

Rueniss: Yeah.. the one with Mr. Kryptonite!

Kikuchiyo: What the…

Azren: Sigh! What big eyes you have Kikuchiyo…

Kikuchiyo: The better so see you with…

Azren: And what big ears you've got…

Kikuchiyo: The better to hear you with… and the better for steam to come out…

Azren: Right… That's enough… So, who's the best samurai? (KYA! Kyuzo of course! Such a stupid question!)

Kikuchiyo: Big grin "Of course, IT'S KIKUCHIYO! I'M THE BEST SAMURAI! EVEN IF KAMBEI DIAGREES THAT I WASN'T AT FIRST, BUT I CAME BEFORE HEI-CHAN, MOMOTARO, AND KYUTARO! Even that Hei-chan that's trying to dismantle me and turn me into a rice cooker for means of food agrees! So basically, I'm the BEST!"

Six Samurais: "WE HEARD THAT!" nerve coming out.

Kikuchiyo: sweat drop "Hey… Take it easy, fellas! I was only joking! Sheesh! You don't have to get all… VIOLENT!"

Azren: … "So, what was your reaction when you died?"

Kikuchiyo: "What are you talking about! I didn't die in the story! That was just my stuntman!" steam coming out.

Azren: "By all means, tell us where you were when that all happened!"

Kikuchiyo: Well… I was shaving my legs under the coconut tree until this Mexican guy came out of no where and started singing: Lacucaracha! Lacucaracha! Nanananananana! And then he asked me if I was the one who killed his family!"

AzrenL Err.. what family?"

Kiku: The family that lived in the hole of my backyard! I didn't know what he was talking about.. I mean… A family in a hole… in my backyard… weird…

Azren: Why did he accused you of such a… err… crime?

Kiku: Well he accused me because he said that the killer of his family had THREE toes!

Azren: sweat drop

Kiku: "Then I said that it wasn't me it was….

Suddenly, a UFO appeared out of no where, on top of Kiku

Kiku: "What the—." The UFO sucks him in… "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

Azren: "What in the world…"

The UFO disappeard with Kikuchiyo… and left everyone wide-eyed…

One hour later…

Azren: (Oh no! What could've happened to him?)

Deathcard: (I wonder what those aliens did to him?)

Rue: (Hmmmm… mmm… Checkmate…) playing chess…

Kambei: (Finally… Peace… with my freshly picked flowers…) Picking multi-colored flowers…

Gorobei: (Hmmm… I wonder what kind of sick alien would want to abduct a very talkative robot?)

Heihachi: (CURSE YOU ALIENS! YOU TOOK KIKUCHIYO AWAY FROM ME! …. Now what am I suppose to dismantle and turn into a rice cooker?)

Shichiroji: trembling (The beatings of Yukino……. THE HORROR… THE MEMORIES!)

Katsushiro: (Sigh… I wish… that a star would fall… on top of… mmmmmmmmmm……… Mount Fuji… for no good reason…) Angry mobs forming…

Kyuzo: (… Silence is bliss…)

Director: ( lalalalala! Didadidadidadida! OMG! I am soooo GAY!) blushing…

Cameraman: (I don't care if my retina is… dislocated… What matters most to me is that… I LOVE SPONGEBOB!)

Suddenly, the UFO appears once again and dropped Kiku with a frog… Kermit the Frog…

Kermit: "Our apologies for our intrusions… we would like to say that we were the ones who killed the family under the hole… because if we didn't, the Happy Tree Friends will devour us one by one! And that is why we have come to say this…"

Azren: "But… what did you do to Kiku?"

Kermit: Well… there was just some misunderstandings in the spaceship, forcing us to do some… typical things… I give you my salutations… Carpe diem!

Once again the UFO disappears…

Azren: "Kiku-chan, are you alright?" Takes a good look at Kiku

Now, Kiku has ears… Ears of a mouse, a head of a goose with chew toy eyes…. But he still had his robot body… the difference was that… he had a monkey tail…

Azren: "Okaaayyy…." Calls Deathcard "Ei! Deathcard!"

Deathcard: "Yes? HOLY—." Looks at Kiku

Kiku: Angry " Honk! Honk! Squeeeekkk! OOOHhh! OOOOhhh! Ahhh! Ahhhh!

Azren: "Can you call Masamune-san? This one might make PERMANENT damages if not treated immediately…

Deathcard: "RIGHT AWAY!"

Azren: to the director "Please tell me you didn't get that!"

Director: Oh, we so DID, girlfriend!"

Azren?

Director: Ehem… "I mean.. YES… We did get that…" Sweating.. ( I might reveal the truth of me being… Gender confused…)

Azren: Sigh… "Sorry about that, minna! Well, we have to move on to the little one… 'til next time! Dewa matta!

Author's Note: There you go! No go on and review! Flames are welcome here! They are being use for cooking, light for caves and a verse for scaring little animals away as the Austrolopithecus Afarensises/ Lucy do! Next stop… UKYO! We are SOOOOO Gonna have fun! (Grins evilly)


	9. AmaSushi

**Disclaimer:** NOOOO… I do NOT and I repeat… I DO NOT OWN SAMURAI 7! Aaaaahhhh! This is confusing me!

Author's Note: Hehe! Look! Three months of not updating:hides under her bed: Okay, I'm sooooooooo sorry! I was just caught up with my other stories, school, and oh yeah! The two week trip to Canada! But I'm back now! So… Lighten up….

Okay, before you beat me up to a bloody pulp because I didn't update sooner, let me just say these special messages from Rueniss

She can't update coz her computer got busted and right now she's crying like the worlds over and… she's starting to loose it…..

Currently, she's painting all her old Barbie dolls black all over, making her napkins into miniature voodoo dolls, and she just did the Avera Kedavra on Mr. Filch for no good reason. Oh yeah… she just sold her eye balls for a piece of chewed gum and replaced them with ping pong balls…

Rueniss sends you her deepest apologies… T.T (Poor, poor, cuz…)

**

* * *

Chapter 8: AmaSUSHI**

Azren: Ei, minna! We're back! Now we're going to interview our very own, Amanushi… Ukyo!

Ukyo:Comes in, all proud: YES! YES! PRAISE ME, FOR I AM THE GREAT UKYO, MASTER OF ALL FLESH AND METAL!

Azren: glares "Okay, you can shut up now…"

Ukyo: "What? I am the GREAT Ukyo!"

Azren: "Uh-huh… So tell us what your motivation is."

Ukyo: "Well… My motivation is a veryu unique one… not like other villains!"

Azren: "So, what is it?"

Ukyo: "It's to RULE THE WORLD! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" :Does a Mojo Jojo evil laugh while whipping mutated mice:

Azren: (--;) :Presses a red button and water (Boiling, lava-like) poured down on Ukyo…:

Ukyo: "AAAAHHH! I'm melting…" :;falls off:

Azren: "Right… next question… Why are you so pale?"

Ukyo: "EH! Because you poured hot, boiling water at me, no duh!"

Azren: "No I didn't…"

Ukyo: "Yes you did!"

Azren: "NO I didn't…"

Ukyo: "YES you did…"

Azren: "Uhhh… like me think…"

Ukyo: …

Azren: …

Ukyo: ….

1 hour later…

Azren: "No I didn't.."

Ukyo: "Are you sure?"

Azren: Ask Kyuzo!

Kyuzo: …. NO…. She didn't…

Ukyo: mumbling something

Azren: "What was that? I didn't quite get it…"

Ukyo: "Nothin…"

Azren: "Good…" to the audience "Well minna, we will just have a short break! We will be back!"

Ukyo: "…" Looking at Azren suspiciously.

Azren: Looking back… "Boo…"

Ukyo: "AAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Jumps up to the ceiling…

Azren: (Freak…)

Tessai: "Ukyo-sama!"

Ukyo: "Tessai… good…" he falls down head first…. But still lands GRACEFULLY… (how? I don't know…)

TEssai: what is it, Ukyo-sama?

Ukyo: Get me a glass of water like a good flunky!"

Tessai goes off to get some water…

Ukyo: "Hmph… no matter… I, the great Ukyo, only hold grudges on mechanical samurais… you're not one, are you?

Azren: sweat drop "What are you talking about?"

Ukyo: No need to bow down! I forgive thee! Tessai!

Tessai: My lord?

Ukyo: What are you doing! Hurry up and fetch me water!

Tessai: Yes… my lord…

Ukyo: Ahhh… being cruel is bliss… Well… aren't you going to interview me?

Azren: …

Ukyo: looking at Azren suspiciously.

(Crickets chirping)

Azren: nerve coming out. "Spongebob…"

Ukyo: "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NOOOOOOOO! THE ACCURSED NAAAAMMEEE!" :jumps off his chair and gets stuck on the spotlight:

Azren:sigh…: (Lizard…)

Tessai: I'm here!

Ukyo: Oh GOODIE:Let's go of the spotlight and lands on his chair GRACEFULLY: Let me have it!

Tessai:Shrugs… dumps the very, very, very, very, very, boiling, lava-like, VERY HOT water:

Ukyo: HEY! What did you do that for huh! Do you want me to twll on you huh! I know my MOMMY!

Tessai: But… you said to "Let you have it!"

Ukyo: I meant that you should give it to me!

Tessai: "Oopps..."

Ukyo: "Get me another glass!"

Tessai: "That was the last…"

Azren: "Don't worry, Tessai-san! There's some juice in the fridge!

Tessai: Where's the fridge?

Azren: Inside the laboratory. To your left!

Tessai: "RIGHT!" : goes out skipping while whistling:

Ukyo: What kinda talk show is this huh!"

Azren: "This talk show… is where we show all the fans of Samurai 7 the other side of their idolized ones… What's is to ya?"

Ukyo: You should bow down to the great UKYO!

Azren: "Hmmm… I don't think so… I'll just call you…. TIKI-TIKI…

Ukyo: "WHAT! The name of Ukyo can never be replaced by any other… Now bow down before me! Bow!

Voice: Hey! So you're the one who was imitating MY name?

Azren: Oh! Let's welcome an unexpected visitor… Ukyo from Ranma ½!

UkyofromRanma1/2: Thank you Azren… :Turns to Ukyo: Now of you'll excuse me, I'm just gonna… KICK HIS BUTT!

Ukyo: AAAAAAAAHHHHH:TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!"

We now interrupt this program for some special messages:

* * *

: Do you feel disturbed? Uncomfortable? Do you feel that you're about to be decapitated?

Then try our latest lotion! Torture Dome!

It's indestructible, it's for internal and external use! It attracts angry mobs as well as flies! It helps you feel more uneasy!

So, all I can say for all who uses it… :Prayer form: may you rest in peace!

To order, just call: 445-3-1-12-12-11-1-18-17-19 or 253- TORTURE UKYO

Thank you and good day to all

(May cause skin cancer, mutating, LBM, bulging of eyes, and foaming (?)

* * *

Now back to the special show…

Ukyo: Looks like a chewed, masticated carcass because of the beatings of Ukyo's(InRanma1/2) gigantic SPATULA: Ouch…

Tessai: "I've got it: brings in some reddish, brown, green liquid:

Ukyo: Ooooohhh…. GOOD… I might've died… : Drinks the liquid:

AAAH… nothing like a good…

:But suddenly, Ukyo felt strange. Slowly, he mutated into a half-lizard and HALF-LOBSTER creature:

Ukyo: What did you do to meee!

Tessai: "…"

Azren: (Well, at least he can get in touch with his lizard side) Oh! Drat! I forgot that, that juice was a mixture of lizard and lobster extract! Darn!

Ukyo: Snapping his claws: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…………

Tessai: But… what is this brown stuff?

Azren: Oh that? That's some kind of numbing drug that I was going to let Katsu drink so that I can show him no mercy!

(A/N: No offense, Katsu-fans! But… for some reason… whenever I see Katsu… I feel that I need to shave somebody's legs with a razor sharp katana… I didn't feel like that before… But this IS STILL a fanfic!)

Tessai:Looks at Ukyo:

Ukyo:Totally stiff: Can't… move… must… kill… CAMERAMAN!

Cameraman:Sweat drop: What did I DO?

Azren:Shrugs: (All I know is, it has something to do with Spongebob!) Somebody needs to be dismantled— I mean, dismembered—Oops! I mean… "TREATED" here!

Who Wants to help the GREAT Ukyo?

Deathcard: "How about the angry mob (Together with the mutated mice because they plan on mutiny)… that are waiting outside the studio?"

Azren: "Great idea, Deathcard! They'll take "GOOD" care of Ukyo:To Ukyo: Well, It was fun while it lasted… Behave yourself!

:To Deathcard: Let them in, Deathcard!

Deathcard: With pleasure:Grins menacingly and unlocks the door:

Without any hesitation, the angry mob stampeded into the studio, bringing Ukyo (And wrapping him in tissue paper) with them while carrying their "Unique" weapons, ready to TRAMPLE and BASH Ukyo afterwards. Even the mice were carrying unique weapons!

Mutated Mice: FREEDOM! WAHAHAHAHAHA! SOON AFTER THIS… WORL DOMINATION!

Angry mob: HHHHUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Ukyo: "…. H—help…"

Azren: "Did you hear something, Deathcard?"

Deathcard: "What? You must be hearing things, Azren!"

Azren: You're right! Sigh! Well minna, we will end here… But who says that we'll end with Ukyo? Ladies and Gentlemen… prepare for… the Nobuseri…. JA!

Author's Note: This is what happens if you let a sadistic teenager have her revenge and take it ALL out at innocent anime characters…

I'll update soon! I promise! Dewa Matta!"


	10. Mr Wiggles the Nobuseri

**Disclaimer: **

Azren: Crying (T.T)

Rue: Cuz, why are you crying?

Azren: Sniff "No… I don't…"

Rue: "Huh? You don't what?"

Azren: I DON'T OWN SAMURAI 7!

Rue: Sigh… "Well guess what you own?" gets a 10 foot picture of Kyuzo…

Azren: Shrieks "AAAAAAAAHHHH! A PICTURE OF KYUZO!"

Rue: ()

Author's Note: Sigh… How I wish somebody gave me that… I decided to update this for everyone's sake! Sorry for not updating soon, but I'm distracted by the events…. Did I mention about the exams? Anyway, READ ON! Don't forget to review! Oh yeah! If you've read or seen the A Series of Unfortunate Events… this might all sound… morbid…

* * *

Chapter 10: Mr. Wiggles the Silly Piggy and Count Olaf. 

Azren: Hello minna! We're back! Well, I guess we won't be seeing Ukyo for a while! (Bwahahahahahaha!) Now let's welcome our next guest, one of the No—

(Oo) Freeze!

Azren's thought… (To be precise… A/N!):

You might think that after a series of unfortunate events with Ukyo and the other samurai (Except Kyuzo!) I will make the Nobuseri's interview quite… peaceful… but so as to not disappoint readers (of all ages) and since I am an evil author and host, I will make the Nobuseri's interview VERY disturbing MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(--) Okay, rewind and play!

Azren: Hello minna! We're back! Well, I guess we won't be seeing Ukyo for a while! (Bwahahahahahaha!) Now let's welcome our next guest, one of the Nobuseri!

30 minutes later…. /crickets chirping/

Deathcard: Ummm… Ehem! Anytime now… Where's Mr. Nobuseri?

Director: Wait! …. 5… 4… 3… 2… 1… HEADS UP, CAMERAMAN!

Cameraman: Eh?(?)

Suddenly, the studio roof parted and a mechanical samurai fell out of no where and crushed the cameraman.

Cameraman: … Ouch… I'm okay… really…

Nobuseri: "EEEW! What is this!" Looks under his foot (?) "Yikes! I should watch it! Ugh!" Grazes foot on the platform of the stage.

Cameraman: AAAAAHHH! MY LEG! MY EYE! MY HEAD! MY SPLEEN!

Rue: "Eew!" looks at the crushed cameraman. "Somebody call the paramedics"

Cameraman: "No really… I'm fine…" Crawls away behind the camera.

1000 miles away, in the North Pole…

Elf: Ouch… hey Elf #2, What's more violent, this show here or Happy Tree Friends?

Elf#2: Happy Tree Friends… next to that is this one.

Elf: Yeah…

Elf#2: Yeah…

Back at the studio…

Azren: … Looking up at the Gigantic Nobuseri. "Uuuhhh… Konnichiwa, Nobuseri-san!

Nobuseri: "YOU ARE FORBIDDEN TO CALL ME NOBUSERI-SAN! FROM NOW ON, YOU ARE TO CALL ME MR. WIGGLES THE SILLY PIGGY!" Ties on a cape and a gush of wind comes and Nobu—Mr. Wiggles laughs Mojojojo style "Bwahahahaha!"

Azren: "Err… right! Let's get started, shall we Mr. No—Mr. Wiggles the Silly Piggy?

Rue: So can you tell us, do you enjoy being bossed around by Ukyo?

Nobuseri(aka Mr. Wiggles the Silly Piggy): Are you kidding? I LOVE being ordered around by mutated chipmunks that again mutated into a chameleon and now is being smothered in gravy! Just as much as I love being bossed around by overgrown catfishes that were accidentally spilled with Chemical X and now is being turned into a specimen! (Amanushi)

Rue: Interesting definition of Ukyo and the former Amanushi!

Azren: So you weren't always like this right? I mean, you were human before, am I correct?

Mr. Wiggles the Silly Piggy: nods "That's true!"

Deathcard: What did you look like?

Mr. Wiggles: Negative energy "Do you really want to know?"

Deathcard: Err… Yes. It's written here on the script, and fairly, the readers would like to know what you look like…

Mr. Wiggles: "Do you really want to know? Or… Do you want me to reveal…" takes out spatula "My friend SPATULA! Or…" Takes out chew toy… that was shaped like a duck… with gigantic wide eyes and small pupils… the horror… " My FRIEND CHEWY?"

Azren: To Deathcard "Erm… Deathcard? Is Kyuzo around?"

Deathcard: No! He's with the angry mobs making TWO sacrifices to the Active Volcano! (Three guesses who!)

Azren: Sigh… "What a relief!" (I don't know what might've happened if Kyuzo saw…. Chewy…)

Mr. Wiggles: Still feel a VERY DARK aura around him "Hey… Do you still want to know what I REALLY look like?"

Hosts: Uuummm… YES…

Director: Please Nobuseri-san! Just answer the question!

Rue: GAAKK! (Wrong move, Mr. Strangler!)

Mr. Wiggles: URUSAI! IT'S NOT NOBUSERI-SAN! IT'S MR. WIGGLES THE SILLY PIGGY!

Takes out a Rocket Launcher and targets Mr. Strangler…

The Director runs for his life as the Rocket Launcher chased him…

Director: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! HELP ME! AZREN! RUE-KUN! DEATHCARD!

Rocket Launcher: VRRROOOOOOOOOOO! VRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMM!

(Translation: "BANZAAAAAIIII! DIE, DIRECTOR! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!")

Azren: Stares as a nuclear explosion occurs in the backstage… " Ouch… that's gotta hurt…"

Deathcard: Azren! I just heard! Our poor, poor director, Mr. Strangler whom was taken to the nearest and cheapest clinic can't direct us anymore!

Azren: WWWHHHHAAATT?

Deathcard: Yes, I know it's SAD!

Azren: No… I mean why did they take him to the clinic?

Deathcard: Oh that… they took the Rocket Launcher to the hospital because special people belong there.

Azren: Okay… So who's gonna direct us now?

Rue: Yeah! We can't go on without a director!

Audience: NNNNOOOOOOOOOO! Is this: the end!

Deathcard: HEY! WHAT ABOUT THAT BALD GUY OVER THERE?

Bald Guy: HEY! I, the most handsome COUNT in the whole universe, am NOT BALD!

Azren: Count… Olaf? You look… (Much more balder after the man-eating leeches accident.) … PRESENTABLE!

Count Olaf: Yes… I am PERFECT! AND AS QUEEN OF…

Sunny(The baby in A Series of Unfortunate Events.):GA!GA!GA!

(Translation: That's KING, you blockhead!)

Count Olaf: Whatever you despicable PRIMATE!

Sunny: GADADADADADADA!

(Translation: INSOLENT HOMINID! PREPARE TO BE CHEWED!) takes out a laser gun and cuts off a part of Count Olaf's **_said_** to be HAIR

Count Olaf: "AAAAAHHHHH! EVIL PRIMATE!

Azren: Somebody get the crazy baby outta here!

Rue: HEY! HEY! HEY! THE BABY SPEAKS FRENCH!

Deathcard: I think that Sunny's actually epileptic, or psychotic… or maybe epileptic psychotic!

Azren: Okay Deathcard! That's enough!

Script writer: skipping along "I'm o it! Lalalalalala! Come here, WIDDLE BABY!"

Sunny: crawls away from the script writer. "Dadadadada! DagagagagagagaGOOOOOOO!" (Translation: NEVER, YOU POMPOUS INFIDEL! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!) shoots the script writer, but unfortunately, the script writer was actually Superman and he evaded the shot.

Script writer (AkA Superman): "I got the baby!"

Sunny: "GOO! GOO! GOO! GOO! (Translation: CURSE YOU, COUNT OLAF! I SHALL BE AVENGED!)

Count Olaf: As I was saying, I am the QUEEN—

Azren: KING…

Count Olaf: KING of DIRECTING! Now please continue with your torturing!

Nobuseri… (I mean… Mr. Wiggles the Silly Piggy): Hey… Do you still want to know what I look like?

Azren: Ummm… Let's skip that part, shall we?

Mr. Wiggles: "Alright then! Then let me introduce me to my friend Mr. Chewy!" Takes out his… Chew toy… "I love Mr. Chewy!

Azren: Sweat drop… "Err… very nice… so why did you decide to become a Nobuseri?

Mr. Wiggles: Well… I look NICER! Unlike those human-dinosaurs like that… EHEM!" looks directly at Kambei…

Kambei: I HEARD THAT!

Rueniss: QUIT IT!

Kambei: "Yes, Ma'am." Afraid.

Mr. Wiggles: "SERVES YOU RIGHT!" snuggles his chew toy. "Isn't that right, Mr. Chewy?

Azren: Sweat drop (I wish he'd loose the FREAKIN' chew toy! … oh no! I feel as if I'm getting paranoid as well! THE HORROR!) So… who do you LOVE more… the spatula or the chew toy?

Mr. Wiggles: Hmmm… is that a trick quest—

Azren: NOO!

Deathcard: Definitely NOT!

Nobuseri ala Mr. Wiggles the Silly Piggy: Hugs the EYE-BLINDING, FREAKY, AND DOWNRIGHT DISTURBING CHEW TOY! "I LOVE CHEWY!

Azren: "…." Rue runs to Deathcard and Azren.

Rue: "B—b…wa…re…"

Deathcard: "What? Ace Hardware?"

Rue: NO! BEWARE! KYUZO HAS RETURNED FROM THE HUMAN SACRIFICE!

Azren: "Oh NO!"

From a distance, our three hosts hears the studio doors close, while the some ravenous mobs were all chanting "KYUZO! KYUZO!" (Hey! Who wants to be part of the mob?)

Deathcard: By the gods… Somebody get Sunny here!

Kyuzo: to the cameraman. "What happened…?

Cameraman: Oh! KYUZO-SAMA!

Kyuzo: Kyuzo… sama?

Cameraman: Err… Right! (Azren: "Cameraman! DON'T let Kyuzo come in here!")

Cameraman: WHAT! Let Kyuzo COME IN? OKAY! Kyuzo, just go right in!

Kyuzo: "…" Comes in the set…

Azren: Yikes! (Kyuzo! Curse you cameraman! I shall let a rotten CARCASS chew you into bits!) Kyu—Kyuzo!

Kyuzo: Whar's going on?

The host hides the Nobuseri (a.k.a. Mr. Wiggles the Silly Piggy), who was raising up his beloved Mr. Chewy like Rafiki does to Simba in The Lion King

Azren, Rue, and Deathcard: Ummm… Nothing! (Sweat drop)

Mr. Wiggles: Oh, look, Mr. Chewy! It's Kyuzo, whom I'm sure LOVES chew toys!

Kyuzo: ……………… (No reaction)

Azren: Ummm… (No reaction?)

Deathcard: (Well the hell happened to him?)

Rue: (I have a BAAAAAAAAAAAAD feeling!)

Audience: Ummm… no reaction? Oh, Kyuzo! Stay there forever if that's so!

Kyuzo: … Chew… toy…

Azren: Ummm…. Kyuzo?

Kyuzo: (negative energy) Chew… toy…

Rue: Kyuzo? Are you alright! I knew it!

Deathcard: WHAT'S HAPPENING! WHY ARE YOU ALL STARING!

Azren: Quiet, Deathcard.

Deathcard: Okay.

Kyuzo:… Chew… toy… Must… Kill… CHEWTOY! (Takes out his…. NOT dual katanas but…… BAZOOKAS!) DIE EVIL CHEW TOY!

Mr. Wiggles: What! Oh no! (Runs away as Kyuzo chases him out)

Toooooooooooooottt…………….

We now interrupt this program for this special news bulletin:

Masamune: Good day to you all. Just this afternoon… In this VERY minute… We see our yellow-headed enigma, tying up an unidentified Nobuseri—

Mr. Wiggles: Tied up "THAT'S MR. WIGGLES THE SILLY PI—." Shuts up as Kyuzo stuffs a sock into its… err… Mouth.

Masamune: It seems that Kyuzo tied up Mr. WATTCHAMACALLEM on a rocket launcher and throws a small, yet disturbing yellow chew toy to ravenous dogs… And now… Kyuzo is about to LAUNCH the rocket launcher into the deep space of NO return!

Masamune: So, Mr. WHATEVERYOURNAMEIS, before being launched to space without any license to doing so, what can you say about all of this?

Mr. Wiggles: MMMMMFFFFFFF! (He can't talk 'coz he has a sock stuffed in his mouth!)

Masamune: Thank you, that's all we need to know from you. And Kyuzo-sama, would you like to share something with us? What's your motive to do this… err… thing that you're doing…?

Kyuzo: …. Why am I here? ACCIDENTALLY presses the launch button!

3…

2…

1…

BLAST OFF!

Masamune: Good bye, Mr. SMIZZLESMAFFLE!

Mr. Wiggles: MMMFMFMFMMMMMMMMFFFFF!

Masamune: And that's all for our breaking news. Again, my name is

Masamune, where we wrench your brain to the point that you go insane!

And now back to our disturbing show…

Azren: Well… that's weird…

Deathcard: Very… weird… Where do you get all of these ideas?

Azren: I dunno, it just comes out of the blue…

Rue: Don't worry folks, this isn't the last chapter! Only the end of the interview! Next chapter, we will hear what our Samurai have to say and some SPECIAL things…

Azren:… That should NOT be revealed! This is the end of our Interview with the Samurai 7 cast!

Deathcard: And now! Let us here the ever Golden voice of our very own… The big boss of Kougakyo himself, that DOG of all DOGS… AYAMARO!

Audience: YEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEYYY!

Ayamaro: Ehem… this is a song that will conclude our program… This song will tell you to…. Smile… Always!

Azren: This is the tune of Sam Milby's very own revival of Close to You. I'm sure yo'll Filipina's out there know this!

Ayamaro and the Seven Samurai:

Oh, why don't you smile my PRECIOUS TEETH! You're so DIRTY!

Flaunt your CAVITIES!

SMILE with YELLOW TEETH!

Azren: And now, we will here… Rikichi's song! The tune of "Leaving on a Jetplane) SING EVERYONE! WAHAHAHA!

So kiss me and CLOBBER me…

Tell me that you'll smuffle me!

Hold me on the neck and strangle me!

'Coz I'm drownin' in champagne!

Don't know if I will live again!

Oh babe,

Do flush me so!

In Olympus when Zeus was busy watching MTV's _That 70's show_ he hears Ayamaro and Rikichi's singing…

Zeus: AAAHHHHHHH! MY EARS! (Strikes Ayamaro and Rikichi with a bolt of lighting

Ayamaro and Rikichi: Ouch…

Azren: Well, that's all folks… tune in for the last installment of "Getting to know More About SAMURAI 7!"

Rue: GANBATTE MINNA-SAN!

Deathcard: JA NE!

* * *

A/n: READ IT! 

I give credit to Rue-kun for the umm… song and to my widdle friend named after a flower… THANKS! I hope you like the ending… I'm just kind of in a hurry…

Oh yeah! I want you ALL to send me WHAT you want the Samurai 7 cast to say! Randomize it if you want!

All of them if you want to! Send them through review or through e-mail if necessary!

just for your FYI, I don't hate Sam Milby...I actually find the song cute... Me and my friends (Whom all apparently have the hots for Sam) made this song...

REVIEWS!

Ja Ne!

Azren…


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